afterlife plans

to celebrate undas, i decided to draft my afterlife plans, yeah! so when i pass away, you know what to do. ;) note that i am serious about this, ayt? when i die, you MUST do this!XD control freak much? LOL

1. if i’m qualified for it, please donate all my body parts that can be donated to the people who need them. my blood, my heart, my liver, my kidneys, my eyes, my bone marrow, heck even my brain (if brain transplant’s already possible when i die)–give ’em all away. i’d rather they be put to some use than just be thrown away, because that’s what’s gonna be done to them anyway.
2. the people i love (you know who you are) can get one book each from my collection. don’t be greedy, just choose one. then donate the rest to the CAL library. oh, and ALL my anthologies go to the CAL lib, ayt? especially the norton and shakespeare ones.
3. don’t hold the wake in my house (especially if i’m living on my own then! i don’t want people invading my house.XD). hold it in some posh, accessible funeral parlor. ay choosy?XD i want a 3-day wake, nothing more, coz that’s expensive. plus, a long wake duration makes procrastinators of people. just visit me right away if you’re gonna visit at all. if you’re like out of the country, don’t bother going, think of the air fare!
4. more on the wake. dress me in something black and goth-y. gimme one of my favorite books to hold (not a bible please). rent me a glossy black coffin with silver fittings. i also would like white flowers, white ribbons and white other shiz. wear white. no one wears black but me!XD play classical music. play mozart’s requiem. play beethoven, chopin, vivaldi, bach. play yiruma, naoki sato, kanon wakeshima, emilie autumn, nightwish, amy lee, maksim, heck play danny elfmann. oh, and play songs from les miserables and phantom of the opera. serve iced tea, coffee, chocolates, and bananas. don’t gamble. don’t play tong-its. just play UNO.XD oh, and don’t freakin camwhore in my wake or i will show up in your pictures!
5. speaking of camwhoring, no taking pictures at all of me! don’t you even peek in the coffin. keep it closed. i don’t like the idea of people gawking at my corpse like it’s some freak show. it won’t even look like me. and it’ll prolly be ugly. you don’t want an ugly me haunting your dreams, do you? just look at the framed photograph on the coffin. oh yeah, there will prolly be a folder in my computer of self-taken pictures. pick the most recent photo in which i look pretty, ayt?
6. don’t have some stranger or priest give a speech about how good a person i was blah blah blah. keep it real people, dead persons aren’t saints. cut the cliches when you can. read christina rossetti’s “song” at my wake. plaster the poem all over the place.
7. cry only for catharsis. after feeling lighter, feel free to have fun. ride the funeral parlor elevators. play hide-and-seek and charades. sing happy songs. tell jokes. but don’t creep each other out by playing spirit of the glass or telling ghost stories.
8. have my facebook account memorialized (yes there’s such a feature, google it). just for the heck of it. delete my friendster, LJ, and shelfari coz i don’t use them. don’t delete my wordpress, multiply, deviantart, tumblr, and twitter. let them be. un-friend those accounts if they’d creep you out.
9. gimme christian rites–mass, prayers, etc.–if you will, i don’t really care. but don’t give me a christian burial. listen, because this is really important. after i die, i want to become pencils.you read that right. i want to be cremated (because the ground is already overpopulated with corpses, yuk!), and i want the ashes turned into pencils. there was a time when i wanted my ashes to be turned into a diamond, but i realized that’s not really my style. plus it’s too costly. plus i don’t wanna be stolen! so now my afterlife ambition is to become pencils. you can find the details here. but it doesn’t end there! an average body of ash can make 240 pencils. i want those 240 pencils distributed to artist friends! and then they must do something creative with those pencils. a poem, a short story, a sketch, an architectural design, a musical score, i don’t care, just create something. i don’t want you using the pencils to write shopping lists, ayt? or else i’d haunt you if possible. oh, and i’m giving a heads up to dana, bo, gerald, verb, ate ella, ate jaja,ate kat, aviva, WC pips, you guys will be given pencils mwa ha ha.
10. lastly, i’d rather you not commemorate my death on my death anniversary, birthday, or undas, because i believe that when you’re dead, you’re dead and that’s it. the best thing to do is to let go. “if thou wilt, remember,/ And if thou wilt, forget.” so cremate me and put me behind, love me but don’t let me haunt you (but if you receive one of them cremains pencils, do the creative shiz first!)

 

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