registration hellcat

this post, which is a follow-up to my last blog entry about the election registration, will elaborate on the subject of the "warfreak madwoman" i mentioned in my last update. i wasn’t planning to blog about it anymore, having retold and re-enacted the episode for the entertainment of my siblings, but it’s a pretty funny story so i decided to share it here anyway (plus aviva told people in her blog to refer to me re: this story but i haven’t a blog post about it, so here.XD). btw, this will be really snarky (and inconsistent in terms of language, but the thought is there haha), so… don’t say i didn’t warn yah.

 
CHARACTERS
Tine
Aviva
Ateng Palaban (Ate) – loud, in her twenties
Warfreak Madwoman (Warfreak) – loud, crass, foulmouthed, ill-tempered, violent, and very, very annoying. yeah i disliked her. so i told rather than showed, kebs.XD
Anak na babae ni Warfreak Madwoman (Nene) – she looked about 13
Aleng Nakapila (Ale)
Mga iba pang nakapila (i.e. extras)
 
 
Prologue
Aviva and Tine, intending to register at the COMELEC office at zapote, arrive at the North Caloocan City Hall at 6:30 AM, confident that they’ll be near the front of the queue. well, guess again, girls, see the line stretching for miles and miles and miles. Aviva and Tine faint.
 
 
– * –
 
The girls have recovered and walk miles and miles and miles to the end of the line. Aviva goes off to have some documents photocopied. Tine stands in line for the both of them, and starts to read the book she brought (terry pratchett’s the color of magic) while waiting. the drama begins when the line looks like this:
 
as you can see, because trucks are awfully arrogant organisms, the line had to be broken to make way for them. enter WARFREAK and her daughter NENE who go to talk to ALE.
 
WARFREAK: san kukunin yung blah blah blah form?
ALE: dun *points vaguely to some direction*
WARFREAK: blah blah blah. ui, (referring to NENE), kukuha akong form, dito ka lang *waddles off*
ATE: uy miss, siningitan ka na nung babae (NENE), o?
TINE: *looks up* *looks at NENE* er, di naman ata. *goes back to reading*
ATE: *goes to NENE* excuse me, nakapila ka ba?
NENE: hindi po.
ATE: sige, keri.
 
a few minutes later, the line advances and TINE manages to level up and cross the ROAD FOR TEH TRUCKS yay! she stands behind ALE and turns to the next chapter of the color of magic, which happens to be the first discworld novel. a few minutes later again, WARFREAK returns.
 
WARFREAK: *eyes TINE up and down, calls for NENE, and drags her butt and the kid in front of TINE*
TINE: excuse me? ako po yung nakapila dito.
WARFREAK: *snort grunt neigh* (translation: KEBS dito ako!)
TINE: ate, nauna po kami dito, ang haba po nung pila, o?
WARFREAK: *snort grunt neigh* (translation: IKNOWRIGHT? kaya nga ayoko pumila sa dulo eh, duh)
TINE: you know, you’re being disrespectful to the other people in line and i am so not gonna stand back and let you take my place.
ALE: siya (meaning TINE) talaga ang nasa likod ko kanina.
WAFREAK: *shoves TINE in front of her* eh di ikaw na, ikaw na! pero dito pa rin ako sa likod mo dahil ang kapal lang talaga ng mukha ko, di ba halata?
TINE: *goes back to reading because she doesn’t want her day to be further ruined by dealing with a thoughtless bitch*
WARFREAK *keeps ranting and ranting and ranting in this screechy, supremely annoying voice about how she is supposed to be in front of TINE and shit* (i absolutely abhor screechy voices, you know?)
TINE: *mutters* shut up shut up shut up you bitch, i’m reading here!
ATE: teka lang po, ako po yung kasunod niya (TINE) eh. nakasingit po kayo sa pila.
WARFREAK: ay, hindi, dito ako kanina, dito ako nakapila!
ATE: eh sumingit nga ho kayo, may mga nakapila sa likod, o!
WARFREAK: anong gusto mo, pumunta pa ko sa dulo niyan eh ang haba niyan? dito ko nga iniwan yung anak ko kanina, dito kami nakapila!
TINE: hindi nga po yun yung dulo ng pila, naputol lang kasi may mga dumadaan na sasakyan, alright?
WARFREAK: ay hindi, yun yung dulo o, pumila ako sa likod niya (ALE)
ALE: nagtanong lang naman kayo sakin, di naman kayo pumila!
WARFREAK: ay hindi, iniwan ko nga yung anak ko, o! nakapila!
TINE: tinanong namin siya kanina, hindi daw siya nakapila kaya hinayaan lang namin diyan. the point is, that was not the end of the line! sumingit lang kayo.
WARFREAK: ay hindi, dito ako! tumahimik ka na!
TINE: bitch. *goes back to reading. no use talking to idiots*
ATE: ate, pumila ka naman ng tama! andami naming nauna sayo dito, o!
WARFREAK: tumahimik ka na! irespeto mo ko, mas matanda ako sayo! (oh yes people of the world! being older makes you infallibly right and worthy of reverence! what genius of reasoning!)
ATE: irespeto? eh binabastos mo nga kaming mga nakapila dito eh! matanda ka nga, pero wala ka namang pinagkatandaan! (WINNER! bigyan na ng famas award si ate!)
WARFREAK: tumigil ka na kung ayaw mong masaktan! wag mo kong subukan! hindi mo ko kilala! (HALA! telenovela na ito!)
ATE: ano ha, anong gagawin mo?!
WARFREAK: ETO! *tinulak-tulak si ATE at ibinangga-bangga kay TINE. ano si TINE, pader?!* ETO PA! *dinuro-duro si ATE sa ulo. mukhang masakit ha* (eeep! eeep! physical harassment!)
ATE: *feeling bida sa telenovela at nagpapaka-martir lang… but wait, may ulterior motive!* (addressing the EXTRAS) o, nakikita niyo ang ginagawa sakin ah? wala akong ginagawa sa kanya!
WARFREAK: *starts to strangle ATE* (homaygulay attempted murder!)
EXTRAS: *nagtawag na ng pulis. like finally*
 
a policeman comes and drags the flailing WARFREAK away to the police station. serves her right, the bitch.
 
Epilogue
Aviva: what did i miss?
Tine: a lot of drama, dear.
 
ATE repeats the story about her heroic banishment of the meddling warfreak madwoman for the next 10 hours to anybody willing to listen.

 

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